readmore for mental issues n whatnot!!!!!!!!!!
so now that im earning money and all im gonna try to find my way to a psychiatrist/psychologist!! prolly psychologist first and then if they think its a medical thing i’ll get rec’d to the other.
ive been having CRAZYASS MOODSWINGS lately and its been really rough!! like i can be having a great-ass day and awesome and shit and then suddenly TANK and just be mentally screaming about how i suck et al and its really rough to handle. i don’t wanna say manic depressive (i just typoed that as magic depressive and thats actually cute…………) just yet or anything cos i dont like self-diagnosing but shit, it’s looking more and more like that.
especially because right now im REALLY hyped!! like manic and all. caffeine definitely encourages it so i really need to be careful, because right now im PRODUCTIVE and doing things and its great!! but i can easily tip into bad thoughts and then suddenly its like im fucking hydroplanning sadness and its really dangerous and awful. shaking and feeling bad…..
if it happens at work and i cant talk to anyone i sometimes just scratch my forearms really hard and it calms it right down but that’s really dangerous path to head down so im just going to try not to. but honestly it helps a lot to do that and it doesnt leave any marks or anything and no one notices so its alright for now. but still i dont wanna head into self-harm territory because what if the scratching doesn’t fix it in the future? ANYWAYS YEAH lets not talk about that.
versus i also have depressive episodes where i feel like i can barely move or think? and those aren’t good either!
anyways yeah point is i really need to see someone, i shouldve been but lol money. i think once i get paid next friday and have all my cashes squared away i’ll be good to poke around and see if i can find someone. looks like there’s ppl at the cummings center which would be my best bet because everyone else is at bev hospital and that’s quite a ways away? unless i figured out the CATA schedule.